Bulma, Vegeta, and Maury
by LemonyWickedAwesome
Summary: What happens when Bulma and Vegeta end up on an episode of Maury...is Vegeta really Trunk's father? Find out! CRACKFIC!


**Lemony:** *slow grin spreads across face* Hello readers, I'm finally here in DBZ fandom! I've been watching the show since I was a little lemon drop. Now I'm a big lemon!

**Awesome:** Alright! Finally! DBZ! The most epic anime known to man.

**Lemony:** Wait, you actually know about Dragon Ball Z?

**Awesome:** Fuck yes! They have the best video games ever! It took up most of my childhood and now it takes up most of my adult life!

**Wicked:** Soooo...I'm the only one here who has no idea what Dragon Ball Z is...?

**Lemony&amp;Awesome:** *le gasp*

**Lemony:** You'll have to excuse my older sister, she doesn't do anime. Hell, I'm not surprised Awesome knows about this one. Anywho, this is my first DBZ story and it is indeed a crackfic, please be nice and ignore the mistakes as I don't have a better reader. Enjoy!

* * *

Bulma, Vegeta, and Maury!

Get ready because a highly unusual episode of Maury is about to begin...

"Now everybody please welcome Bulma Brief to the show." Maury Povich began motioning to the blue-haired and rather well dressed woman sitting next to him on stage. The audience, who looked suspiciously like characters from DBZ, gave Bulma a short applause before Maury continued, even the Z fighters which included Piccolo, Goku, Krillin, and Yamcha seated in the front row clapped.

"She says a night of passion with a...er, Super Saiyan has caused to her to conceive a half human, half Saiyan baby." He explained, the audience oohed.

"I have no idea what a Saiyan is, Bulma is that the baby's nationality? Is Saiyan some kind of African? What tribe is that?"

Bulma sheepishly rubbed the back of her neck, "Well Maury, Saiyans are actually an alien race of super fighters who can turn into giant monkeys and they go around destroying planets and the Prince of all Saiyans aka My Baby's Daddy is the wannabe leader of all of them."

Maury just looked at her. "Ooooooookkkk...well, ladies and gentleman Bulma says Vegeta is the father of four month old Trunks Brief, let's see what Vegeta had to say..."

The camera panned up to the massive screen behind Maury to show the pre-recorded footage of Vegeta.

The Prince of all Saiyans was positively infuriated for several reasons: he was pissed he was on this show, he was pissed that he had to participate, and he was just generally pissed. But screw it, Bulma claimed that boy was his and Vegeta was just here to be sure.

_"I don't know why in the hell Bulma thinks that baby is mine!"_ Vegeta snapped, _"How can that baby be mine when she was throwing it back for every Z fighter and his daddy! Her mom's nickname from us is MILF, like mother like daughter! And what the hell is she talking about? A night of passion?! I was drunk Maury! Obviously, someone throws a party, the Price of all Saiyans shows up, when the Prince of all Saiyans shows up, the Prince of all Saiyans gets wasted, and when the Prince of all Saiyans gets wasted, the Price of all Saiyans eats some pussy! That's how it started Maury! How do you know that's not Yamcha's baby anyway, the little bastard has his rubber-ass neck! So in conclusion I don't make weak babies! I'll say this in Earthling so that you'll understand I ain't the pappy of dat der youngin' boss." _

"This is gonna be good..." Krillin whispered to Piccolo who nodded in agreement. The green slug man was actually smiling for once...meanwhile Goku was trying so hard not to laugh while Yamcha scowled hatefully at the screen. Rubber neck? Really?

Maury shook his head. "Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome Vegeta."

And with that the spiky haired warrior appeared from backstage. The audience gave its customary boos as Vegeta flipped them the bird. Bulma, now furious, stood up and got into his face.

"That's not your baby?" She snapped, "Rubber-ass neck huh?"

"SOUNDS LIKE YAMCHA TO ME!" Vegeta yelled back

"I KNOW THAT'S NOT YAMCHA'S BABY, YOU DICK!"

"HOW?"

"BECAUSE YAMCHA SHOOTS BLANKS!"

The entire audience erupted in laughter. All except for Yamcha and Goku, who was shaking his head.

"You're gonna need a Senzu Bean for that one buddy..." Goku said to him.

"We'll be right back with the results..." Said Maury as it cut to an Everest commercial.

* * *

We now return to Maury...

"And the results are in." Maury announced holding up the manila envelope of shame. A hush fell over the crowd as Maury read the results.

"In the case of four month old Trunks Vegeta Speedo Brief, Vegeta...you are NOT the father!"

Vegeta jumped and hooted as Bulma buried her face in her hands. It took everything she had not to run off stage like all the women usually did.

"BUT WHAT I TELL YOU? YOU BLUE-HAIRED, LOUD-MOUTHED, SPACESHIP-BUILDING, I-CAN'T-KEEP-A-MAN-FOR-SHIT, MASTER-OF-BITCH-FU HEFFA!" Vegeta hollered

"Oh, I'm sorry, I read the wrong page..." Maury said flipping the paper, Vegeta's face hit the floor as Maury cleared his throat and started once again.

"Ahem, in the case of four month old Trunks, Vegeta...you ARE father!"

"WHAT?" Vegeta snapped, it was Bulma's turn to jump up and rub it in his face.

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!" Bulma shouted, "READ IT AGAIN MAURY!"

"Um...you are the father..." Maury said again,

"ONE MO' TIME!" Bulma demanded "SO THIS BIG EARS BASTARD CAN HEAR YOU!

"You are the father..."

"HA!" Bulma danced around as Vegeta felt his blood pressure rising. A vien in his temple began to visibly throb as he endured this torment.

"LET THE CHURCH SAY YEEEEEEAAAHHHHHH!" Bulma sang, "GOT ME A BABY AND IT CAME WITH A SAIYAN!"

"This is bullshit...you fake TV therapist!" Vegeta growled, Maury shrugged.

"The results are right here man..." He told him

Meanwhile, the Z fighters in the front row couldn't control their laughter.

"WHO'S THE RUBBER NECK NOW?" Yamcha laughed,

"She treated you like the drug game, Vegeta..." Goku giggled,

"TRAP LIFE!" Krillin and Piccolo called out, cackling hysterically.

"I TOLD YOU I WAS TWO-THOUSAND PERCENT SURE!" Bulma screamed, "I AM A SCIENTIST, BABY! I KNOW THIS SHIT! THAT'S STATISTICS FOR YO' ASS!"

Vegeta finally snapped. "THAT'S IT! EVERYONE DIES! BANG BEAM ATTACK!"

"Oh man!" Goku breathed,

"FIR-"

Commercial...its Everest again?

THE END!

* * *

**Lemony:** Well...now that I got that out of my system...I hope you all enjoyed that crack nonesense. That's what happens when I sit on my new Thinkin' Mat and watch Maury.

**Awesome:** Oh. My. Sweet. Bleeding. Fucking. Christ.

**Wicked:** No one has even bothered to explain what in the bloody hell Dragon Ball Z is to me...

**Lemony:** Don't worry about it, Wicked. Anyhow, hope that was fun for you guys and remember this is my FIRST DBZ fic so please be nice and without further ado...REVIEW!


End file.
